Tuesday, 9 June 2009

Tips Menjadi Jomblo Bahagia

Duh,,,ini Blog udah kaya rumah hantu. Banyak sarang laba-labanya gara2 enggak pernah di Update.

Okey, jumpa lagi dengan saya, Dimas Abi bocah sakti, imut, jujur, dan baik hati. Setelah sukses dengan Tips dan Trik ke pasar, kemudian Tips menembak cewek, kini saya hadir kembali dengan tips yang pastinya mengguncang, menarik, dan fantastis beibeh. Tips kali ini adalah: MENJADI JOMBLO BAHAGIA! sengaja tulisannya saya gedein biar mantep, sekaligus terapi katarak.

Pernahkah anda merasa keki, sebel, pengin gantung diri, pengin jedotin kepala sendiri ketika melihat dua orang sedang berjalan mesra di mall, di taman, di jalan, di pantai, ato di tempat-tempat umum lainnya? Pernah kah?

hah? enggak pernah?

Saya juga enggak pernah. Tapi temen saya pernah. Saya memandangnya dengan rasa solidaritas yang tinggi dan bernasihat, "udahlah friend, biarkan mereka dengan kebahagiaan mereka sendiri , tak perlulah kita mendengki, iri, atau apapun itu yang justru mengotori hati kita. Cukup doakan saja minimal ada bajaj yang bakal nyerempet mereka..."

Temen saya itu termasuk dalam kalangan JIDAT (Jomblo Tidak Sehat), anda ingin termasuk dalam golongan itu? pastinya enggaklah ya. So, INI dia TIPSNYAAH!!

1. Tersenyum.
Ini adalah kunci. Senyum. Tebarlah senyum anda dimanapun anda berada, apalagi ketika anda JOMBLO. Berjalanlah dengan gembira dan...senyum. Itu adalah parameter mendasar bahwa anda termasuk Jomblo bahagia. Setiap berpapasan dengan orang lain, tersenyumlah karena kebahagiaan sedang tersebar lewat bibir anda. Tapi ingat, anda perlu waspada juga untuk menjalankan tips yang satu ini, jangan sampai terjadi kasus seperti ini:

Anda : (Tersenyum manis like a baby..)
Someone : HEH!! Ngapain lo senyum2 ke pacar Gua!! Mau nyobain ujung sepatu gua masuk ke idung LU!
Anda : (ayan seketika)

2. Sibuk.
Anda harus sibuk wahai temanku. Sibuk merupakan salah satu parameter bahwa anda tidak bersedih dengan ke-jomblo-an anda. Anda menikmati kesibukan anda berarti anda masuk dalam golongan Jomblo Bahagia. Bandingkan dengan kaum JIDAT yang minim kesibukan dan meratapi nasib akan dirinya sambil menghitung mahkota bunga..she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me... sangat JIDAT sekali kawan. Hindari itu. Tapi inget juga, jangan asal sibuk. Bisa-bisa jadi seperti ini:

Anda : (sibuk)
Someone: Eeeeh...ngapain kamu angkat-angkat itu???
Anda : Enggak liat apa kalo saya sibuk? saya ini sibuk..sibuk..S-I-B-U-K! Busy! ngerti ndak sih?
Someone: TAPI ITU JEMURAN SAYA!
Anda : ......
Warga : (Gebugin anda rame-rame)

3. Hang Out dengan teman-teman.
Salah satu parameter JOmblo Bahagia adalah banyak teman. Anda akan terlihat sangat bahagia dengan lingkungan pertemanan anda. Ngakak bareng, ngobrol bareng-bareng, gila bareng, atau apapun yang dilakukan bersama teman-teman akan membuat nilai diri anda bertambah. Bersama teman = JOMBLO is nothing! Bandingkan dengan kaum JIDAT yang minim teman dan meratapi nasib akan dirinya sambil menghitung mahkota bunga..she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me... sangat JIDAT sekali kawan. (Perasaan ini tulisan sebelumnya deh..) . Seperti dua tips di atas, anda tentunya harus waspada juga. Jangan asal hang out bersama teman, bisa-bisa jadi seperti ini:

Anda : John, gimana tadi filmnya? asik mamen kan??
John : Lumayan. eh, Yang. Yayang mo makan apa nih? (sambil menggandeng tangan si Yayang)
Anda : Son, asik banget ya tadi filmnya?
Son : Iya. Hmm..Cinta, abis makan nanti kita mampir ke toko buku dulu yah..(sambil tersenyum nakal ke Cinta)
Anda : Randy, bagian pemeran utamanya loncat dari monas itu tadi keren banget yah?
Randy : Biasa aja. Miitha Cintakuuuw...kamu cantik banget malem ini? ( sambil membelai rambut panjang Miitha Cintakuuuw)
Anda :......
John, Son, Randy : Ngeloyor bersama pacar masing-masing.
Anda: Memble.

dapet pointnya kan?

4. Jika melihat pasangan kekasih, jangan berkomentar.
Dalam ke-jomblo-an anda, jangan pernah sekali-kali mengeluarkan komentar ketika melihat dua sejoli sedang memadu kasih. Berkomentar artinya anda tidak berbahagia dengan ke-Jomblo-an anda, dan itu artinya anda termasuk kaum JIDAT. Berkomentar identik dengan rasa dengki dan iri, hal ini sangat bertentangan dengan semboyan A'a Gym: jagalah hati...jangan kau nodai..jagalah hati..lenteraaaaa..hidup iii...niiii. Jika mendapati sepasang kekasih, jangan pedulikan. Biarkan saja mereka dengan kebahagiaan mereka. Karena kalau tidak, bisa jadi seperti ini:

Anda : Jim, itu coba liat..
Jim : Apaan?
Anda : Itu lhoh, dua sejoli yang di meja itu! Coba liat..ceweknya bak danau di padang pasir, cantik dahsyat menggemparkan dunia. Tapi cowoknya kaya jambu air kelindes angkot.
Jim : hah?
Anda : Dunia memang tidak adil. Tuh cewek udah buta kali ya? pasti cewe matre tuh. Masa mau ama patung semar bontet gitu?? ya kan Jim? gila aja..
Patung semar bontet : ( tiba-tiba dateng menghampiri anda dan Jim) Hei Jim, enggak nyangka ketemu disini.
Jim : Iya, mas. Kebetulan lagi maen. Mas ngapain?
Patung semar bontet : Itu, nemenin mamah ke salon, sekalian aja ngajak calon iparmu. Hehe..
Anda : (kabur)

5. Carilah pasangan hidupmu.
Ya iyalah, sebahagia-bahagianya seorang Jomblo, pasti tetep pengin punya pasangan hidup. emangnya anda mau jomblo terus seumur hidup? kalo saya mah enggak...

Bagaimana? tips yang sangat brilian bukan? jangan cuma dipelototin, tapi aplikasikan! dan kita lihat hasilnya. SALAM SUPER...

_Semua itu bohong..Whooo..whouwouwooo.._
Abie With Love

111 comments :

Because FASHION is YOU.. said...

HAHAHAHAHA.... (Gatau mau ngomen apa, jadi ketawa aja..)

Elsa said...

wah rasanya tertohok!!!
tips yang cocok buat diriku...
**ngenes**

my blog, my story said...

Haha,,kayak Pak Mario Teguh aja pake salam super...

Cuman bisa bilang :
1.Wha,,ni tips emg super duper kocak + aneh,,
2.Ni tips emg bwt jomblo bhgia ato jomblo yg frustasi gag dpt2 pasangan? (dilihat dri contoh kasus nya),,hehe

Udah komen niy...blog aQ juga di komen atuh mas abie...

J O N K said...

wkwkwkkwkwkwkwk, saya coba dah :D

wkwkkwkwkwk ...

bie-kun said...

@ladhy: ga berbobot banget komen lo..haha

@Mbak elsa: wah, kenapa mbak? kalo gitu mbak harus coba tips saya..dijamin mantep!

@ qie:ini tips harus kamu coba juga qie..hehe

@JONK: Selamat mencoba Jonk..kalo gagal uang kembali!

nilsyamgustiawan said...

wakakakakaka...

kebetulan sayah JOMBLO yang (lumayan) SEHAT, wakakakaka...

mantaf tipsnyah bie... hohohoho

sayah praktekin deh...

♥ Neng Aia ♥ said...

huhuhuww... sedih bgt klu itu semua terjadi yah!! makanya klu mau hangout mah sama temen yg jomblo juga,, jadi skalian ngeceng gituu..

heoheohoe

anindyarahadi said...

kebetulan aku baru aja jomblo... tips yang cocok emang... hahahah

Anonymous said...

gyahahahahahaha.... perlu diterapkan itu tips&trik nya.. hwahahaha...

sang herbalis said...

kocak tenan...bung!!

Kutupa said...

ha..ha.. Thats right

mw nambahin satu lagi, Jomblo tuh nggak selamanya jelek, bagus malah..

Pacaran itu bagusnya habis nikah, jadinya nggak bakal cepet bosen sama pasangannya n gak bakal terjadi selingkuh

Kabasaran Soultan said...

Wahahahahahahahahahaahahahahaahah
Bisa aja.

bie-kun said...

@am: silakan dipraktekin Am..

@neng: emang sedih kalo jadi JIDAT. haha

@Nindya:kamu jomblo? temen2..Nindya Jomblo lhooh..

@Dila: coba terapkan, kalo gagal bilang saya


@Kutupa: ciyee...ada bukti?

@Soultan: memang bisa mas..haha

r_Lin said...

Zona Cinta has been update,,

hehehe

kakve-santi said...

numpang ke tawa panjang lebar...


wwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkwkw....
aduh sampai mana tadi saya ketawanya..

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